“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Although many weeks have passed, I still can’t stop expressing my sadness to the untimely death of Sushant Singh Rajput, a young and dashing Bollywood actor, whose handsome face keeps popping up on social media screens. For whatever reason, this talented actor made the painful decision to end his short life at 34 years of age. I don’t know this actor well but I did manage to watch one of the movies he starred in when I visited South Africa in December 2018. It was a beautiful movie called “Kedernath” with the most breath-taking mountain scenes that act as a backdrop for the love story in the 2013 Uttarakhand floods in which about 5,000 people died.
Why would someone who was supposedly riding the crest of the fame wave make the most irrational decision to bring to an end a promising and vibrant life? Many speculate that the young actor was suffering from depression because he was withdrawn from at least four of the films that he was supposed to have starred in. This brings home the sad reality that in life we are groomed for success but no-one prepares us for failure and setback. When the going gets tough, very often we don’t have the mental ability or the emotional stamina to ride through the stormy waters of life.
As little kids we are constantly being encouraged to be the best and we are rewarded in tangible forms when we come out first at school, touch the ribbon at the end of the race, make it for man of the match, take the lead role in a play or win a talent contest. We are made to feel so special as we smile through the euphoria when our photos are taken and our parents and family let everyone know that they are connected to us - the winner, the victor, the star. It is true that the winning feeling is wonderful, it is exciting, it is positively intoxicating and who wouldn’t want a big dose of it.
But what happens when things don’t go as they should? When the best set plans in life go awry? When your life turns to custard? When the promotion that you were so sure of getting, goes to someone else, the loan that was going to get you the new house, car or overseas trip is turned down, the love of your life tells you they “need some space” or you suffer the loss of a loved one or a job. You suddenly experience feelings that plummet you to such low depths and while you learned to smile and celebrate, no-one has showed you how to cope with the gut-wrenching feelings of rejection, defeat or loss. Or how to climb out of this deep, dark hole.
There is a fundamental rule that exists when we follow a dream or a goal: we are at a Point A and we need to get to a Point B where our dream rests. So, we get ourselves busy to frantically connect the dots between the two points to realise our aspirations. When the distance between the two dots are too far apart, we put ourselves through an emotional rollercoaster as we experience the negative feelings of frustration, heartache and anger.
The sad truth is that by clawing onto the dream life that we so desperately ache for, we lose sight of our present reality. When we cling too tightly to WHAT CAN BE, we rob ourselves of the opportunity of appreciating THE NOW and what we already have. Far too often we are lost in the mistaken reality of believing that we would only be truly happy if our dream comes true. The fundamental flaw of this approach is while chasing a dream, we are depriving ourselves from enjoying the life that we already have. A constant state of disappointment and disillusionment can easily lead to depression and despair and for some to take drastic measures like the rising star, Sushant did.
A healthier approach to life would be to acknowledge where we are presently in life, to set goals or have dreams and try to be the best we can be IN THE MOMENT. When we do this, we are able to keep our eye on the ball in the present instead of obsessing on the future and fighting desperately for our dreams to be realised. In this way we don’t postpone life and limit our happiness which we feel we will only enjoy when our dreams do in fact come true. Give yourself permission to have the opportunity to TRY and even if you fail, it would be much less painful. You tried, you failed, you dust yourself, you get up, and try again. Life and happiness are part of the journey and should not just be confined to the destination.
Have a dream but take life as it comes: one step at a time. The chances are you would trip or tumble on the way but it is going to be a great adventure. When you feel the early winter sun on your face, when you see autumn leaves fall, when you pull your gown a little tighter while a storm rages outside, when your child cuddles up to you, when a tear falls involuntarily when you come across a poignant point in a story you are reading, when you inhale the warm aroma of the morning coffee, you realise that life is beautiful. You are free, you are healthy, you are alive. It really doesn’t matter whether dreams come true because we should be grateful for the small and simple things in life. If indeed the dream does get fulfilled, it is mere icing on the already fantastic cake of life.
Our focus should be on living while the dream is just a part of that. Be grateful for the life you have now: the people who love you, your work, your talents, your interests, your relationships you have within or outside your family, your health and your peace of mind. You can handle failure when you realise that the fact that you are alive and well to pursue a dream is the dream coming true already.
Have a fabulous week, Folks!
