From your Valentine

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt”             

                 Charles M Schulz

Today, February 14th, is celebrated as Valentine’s Day in the modern calendar and while many associate this heart-shaped festivity with red roses, plush toys, romantic dinners or decadent confectionary, its origins are actually dark, depressing and down right bloody. 

There are oft-repeated backstories to this significant date but the most popular one refers to a story that tells of Saint Valentine who was a Christian and who lived in the 3rd century AD. He came to the aid of persecuted Christians by marrying them in secret in the pagan-controlled Rome.  

At this time in history, many Romans were converting to Christianity, but the Emperor Claudius II was a pagan and created strict laws about what Christians were allowed to do. Claudius believed that Roman soldiers should be completely devoted to Rome for he thought wives and children would  be an unnecessary distraction and therefore passed a law preventing them from marrying. St Valentine began to marry these soldiers in secret Christian ceremonies and this was the beginning of his reputation for believing in the importance of love. Eventually, Valentine was found out and jailed for his crimes against Claudius. While imprisoned, Valentine cared for his fellow prisoners and also his jailor's blind daughter. 

According to legend, Roman Emperor Claudius II, interrogated Valentine in person and  attempted to convert him to paganism. Valentine refused and, in turn, attempted to convert Claudius to Christianity, an act that did not go over well and which resulted in Valentine being sentenced to death. Before his execution, however, St Valentine cured his jailer’s daughter of blindness, inspiring the jailer and his household to convert to Christianity. An additional legend states that Valentine wrote a letter to the jailer’s daughter, Julia, signing as “Your Valentine”. This was to mark the first ever “Valentine card” which the card company Hallmark popularised to secure their millions.

It was only 200 years later though when Rome became Christian that the the Pope proclaimed St Valentine’s Day to commemorate the stamping out of paganism. Later, Chaucer, the poet from the Middle Ages linked St Valentine to romantic love. Since then people sent cards lovingly created with love symbols like hearts, Cupids and flowers and accompanied by sentimental verse expressing their affection for their loved one. 

Fast forward to modern day, and Valentine’s Day, goes hand-in-enclasped-hand with sugary concoctions that can spike the glucose levels with a mere look, 

flawless diamonds whose brilliant luminescence threatens to blind , bunches, bouquets or boxes of sickly sweet red roses, fuzzy teddy bears in candy-floss pinks and sizzling scarlets, luxurious hotel stays in exotic locations and of course, the over the top ones with love declarations  in the form of flashing billboards, coloured smoke emitted by jet planes that spells “I love you” or committing to a marriage proposal from the top of the mountain or from the depths of the sea. Whatever the expression of love is in tangible terms, the common denominator is the amount of affection expressed is directly proportional to the price-tag to secure the bespoke gift: slick, marketing machine mentality nurtured by commercial outlets. 

Closer to home in the Naidoo household, Valentine’s Day takes on a whole new meaning. When we first emigrated to New Zealand, the boys were 3 and 1 year olds. With the absence of a family support system or house help for that matter, there was no one to babysit so the entire family went out for dinner and my husband bought gifts and cards for  the kids and I. Yours truly don’t do gifts maybe because I believe every day is an opportunity to show your love or I am not the sentimental kind. Since then, with the introduction of our daughter to the clan,  it has become a tradition with the Naidooz where the love for family is celebrated or more appropriately the love of the father for his family as he is the only one who takes the care to sort out breakfast, book the lunch or dinner dates and buys the gifts and write the messages on the cards. How lucky are we!

Now, if you know me, around this time in the piece is a moral message so here goes. While Valentine’s Day is made out to be a day characterised by warm, fuzzy feelings and gifts for the one you love, it is also the day that brings the most pain and suffering to those that feel unloved: couples who feel stuck  in loveless relationships, family who have been robbed of the love of their dearly departed, the elusiveness of love in the realisation that you are single yet again, the  suffering of the pains of rejection from an unrequited love situation, the painful pricks of hurt by someone who doesn’t show gratitude for the love you showed them in deeds or otherwise, the loneliness endured by parents after being forgotten by the children whom they lovingly reared, the pangs of loneliness of the student who feels ignored by the teacher no matter how hard they try or the worker who is overlooked for a promotion they think they deserve. 

If you are one of the lucky ones who feel the love on this Valentine’s Day, spare a thought to those who are aching for some love today and sprinkle a little happiness their way. I can guarantee you that their mega-watt smile because of your caring will far eclipse the dazzling brilliance of any store-bought, diamond. 

Have a LOVE-ly day, my lovelies. 

#valentinesday