Everything in Life happens in our own Time

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.”

– Zen Shin

About five years or so ago, I noticed a young plant growing on the side of our house. I pinched a leaf and inhaled its scent and was quite sure it was some sort of citrus tree, however,  I couldn’t pinpoint the exact phylum as I lack adequate  botany skills. Being a nature-lover, I was especially pleased with this new find as it was not purposefully grown. I surmised it must have been a seed tossed into the garbage can that had escaped its destiny to the rubbish tip and just decided to take root ( pun intended) right near where our rubbish bins are housed. I watered it and watched its progress through the years and each month it grew taller and taller. Needless to add, the rubbish bins had to be relocated. After one, two, three years when it had transformed  into a fully grown, adult tree , there were no flower blossoms nor the much anticipated fruit. My husband, a practical Capricorn, said it should be chopped down, uprooted and thrown away as it was not producing any fruit and just an unnecessary nuisance that could affect the foundation of our house. I protested. Please let it be. Just because it doesn’t give us fruit, there’s no reason to destroy it. We could still enjoy its foliage, its fragrant citrusy scent and admire how strikingly tall it has become as it was almost as tall as our double storey house. I am probably gifted with persuasive skills as the lemon/naartjie/mandarin/orange/lime or whatever-tree was allowed to live another day perpetuating its barren existence. Each morning as I passed the tree on my ritualistic garden walkabout, I would give it a nod (couldn’t give it a pat because of the sharp thorns) as if to say, “Don’t worry, you are safe. You are still precious even if you don’t give us any fruit.” By now, after five years, the tree was towering well over our very high roof.

Two weeks ago, my neighbour popped into our house one morning and as she was leaving, she said, “Did you notice there’s fruit on your tree?”. My eyes filled with tears of joy - it was as if I had discovered I myself was pregnant after trying unsuccessfully for all those years. I couldn’t contain my excitement and could hardly believe this miracle. My neighbour confirmed the existence of two fruit perched high up with a photo from her upstairs bedroom window. My happiness knew no bounds as I looked proudly  at the two ripening mandarins that peeped through the luxuriant, verdant growth. 

Lovely, heartwarming  story, isn’t it? But what’s the point? Simply this: every thing  has its own time and its own clock. Don’t rush things. When the time is right, you will shine. With our high-ceilinged rooms, our house is especially tall and the unfortunate mandarin tree which was sandwiched between two tall buildings had to grow for five, long years before its uppermost leaves reached the full sunlight above roof level which allowed it to fruit. What  grit from a tree who has its origins in a rubbish bin! 

Speaking from the perspective from my generation, life was pretty much set to a timetable: you matriculated, you studied at university or went out to work, around 25 you married, thereafter you bought a house, you had children and then you lived your life for your kids with similar goals in place. It is quite refreshing to see that youngsters today seem to dance to the beat of their own drum. They don’t seem to be in any hurry to study, work or even marry according to the time-honoured deadlines. And so it should be. 

Resist the urge to compare your life path with someone else. From the outside looking in, you may envy someone’s rosy life and marvel at  how effortlessly they reach their milestones but you have no idea what fires they tramped to get there and the challenges they may be facing. Don’t beat yourself up because Aunty Prema’s son has qualified as a dentist , has his own apartment and is driving a flashy car while you are still working in retail and studying part-time although you are 25 or 30 years old already. Do not be embarrassed or despondent that you are still chugging on the slow lane while others your age are racing on the fast track. Your self worth should not be determined by what others think of you or what others have achieved. 

Be your own cheerleader. Refrain from the temptation of comparing yourself with others - it is not only unhealthy and unproductive but also has no purpose. Instead of focusing on trying to be like others, become the best version of yourself. Although I encourage you to please  yourself first, I myself only managed to throw the shackles of society’s expectations well into my thirties - when I finally realised others’ opinions of me doesn’t matter, only mine does. Unfortunately, it takes so long because of the social conditioning we undergo to realise that in the end, only our own views should matter. I can’t tell you how liberating it is to do things your way and to only worry about pleasing yourself first. Nowadays, it is especially difficult to follow your own path in life when you are constantly bombarded by “perfect” lives on social media platforms. 

Events, signs and problems occur when they need to. Very often, we tend to become frustrated or depressed because obstacles are placed in our paths. Have faith and trust that this is what is meant to happen. It is all in the timing. How many times we have heard of someone missing their flight because of traffic to hear later that their scheduled plane had crashed. Most often “bad things” happen because the one above has a much better plan for us. We just need to trust. Each one of us is unique and have life experiences that have shaped us differently so wouldn’t you agree that it is plain stupid to pattern ourselves on someone else’s life? We need to trust the timing of our lives because we will be delivered lessons to learn (sometimes over and over again) until we reach our final destination. 

So, instead of wishing that your life could be like someone else’s, focus on your life and trust its timing. The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side. Your grass will be even greener if you water it too by paying attention to your own goals and nurturing these. Own your truth - accept what you are and what you are not and fashion your life accordingly. Accept your past - it may not have been the rosiest one but be thankful. Sometimes hard times light a fire in our bellies to become someone that we can be incredibly proud of. Know what you truly want and not what society dictates or desires. Don’t give up - if you failed at something, this is just a snapshot of what is happening now. When you work on improving yourself and persevering, the scenario will be totally different 3, 6 or 12 months from now. Just work on developing yourself and in time you will achieve your just rewards. Life doesn’t come with a manual so trust the unknowns that will invariably jump at you. Be patient and trust in the timing. 

Precious time is lost when you focus on other people’s success and joy. Take back your power from people, places and problems and focus on possibilities. Focus on you - totally. 

Oprah said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

Have a fantastic week, folks!

#timing  #trustinthetiming #everythinghappensinourtime